Resolved
It’s not a New Year’s resolution. Not really, seeing as we made it last summer.
More of a debt of honor, an appointment with our laptops. A date (seemingly so far away in the all the bustle and huff of kids out of school and family vacations and launching businesses and whatnot) towards which we hitched all our hopes for these stories that were burgeoning out of us. There was no space for them to grow, back then in the glare and haze of high summer. Winter seemed more of a friend to these contemplative and retiring muses of ours. Mine, at least, is very easily frightened and gathers her skirts at the first hint of overload.
January 15th. Far enough from Christmas and deep enough in winter’s blessed repose. Looked towards for so long that it’s already something of a sacred space wherein (we pray!) creativity will thrive unchallenged. For six mad weeks we’ve agreed to write like our lives depended on it. Actually, what’s really hanging in the balance is a dinner date with our husbands at one of the classiest places in town. That and our self-esteem.
And our stories, of course.
And so from tomorrow until the end of February, my writing partner and I will be living the writers’ life of our dreams. We’ll stay up too late and drink too much coffee and shoot one another dismal emails when words won’t cooperate. I wouldn’t be able to do it without this kind of wild, harebrained, perilous challenge. And I wouldn’t be able to do it alone.
It’s not the first time we’ve taken on something this crazy. But it’s the first time I’ve been able to admit to anyone other than my mother that I’m actually doing it. The truth is, I am very much a scared rabbit when it comes to writing in general and fiction in particular. It’s so intrinsically me that I hardly ever hit ‘publish’ without a thrill of fear. And fiction, that shy half-sister to ordinary prose, is more vulnerable still because it’s even more personal.
“Put the energy of your nerves into your performance,” my ballet teacher always used to say to us in the wings, when the footlights were already in our eyes and the faces of the audience beyond were murky and unreadable.
Tomorrow morning I am going to show up at my desk and do just that, in the grace of God. I really am quite thoroughly terrified–what if nothing happens? What if the muse has grown tired of waiting and doesn’t keep this appointment? What if I fail, miserably?
But if there is one thing that I have come to, that I am resolved upon, it is this: I would rather be a failure in the eyes of the world living the life I know God has called me to live, making the art He has called me to make, than to be too afraid to try. I believe that He can be just as glorified in inkblots as in soaring prose, provided they are penned in His name. And I believe that He likes nothing better than to call us to something only He can equip us for.
I have no idea what will happen. I don’t know if these dear characters in my head will ever be folk that the rest of the world would like to meet. But that really is none of my concern. Mine is to sit down at that desk and start typing.
With a prayer of Jesus, help, upon my lips.
All the best!
Go for it, Lanier!! Grab hold of the adventure and let your gift soar! Let your mind fall into the world of dreams, allow your ideas to fill every cell along with their unique emotions…. then, let it out through your pen.
Looking forward to enjoying the fruits of your labor!
Praying for you friend!
Lanier: Many, many blessings to you as you follow this journey on which the Lord is leading you! Grace to you, my friend!
>>But if there is one thing that I have come to, that I am resolved upon, it is this: I would rather be a failure in the eyes of the world living the life I know God has called me to live, making the art He has called me to make, than to be too afraid to try.<<
Indeed.
You're in my prayers, sister.
I’m praying for you. Just focus on the process now, not the outcome.
“If a story is in you, it has got to come out.” –William Faulkner
I’m so excited for you! Have fun…and I will indeed be praying. 🙂
I will pray for you but you are one of the most gifted writers I know. I expect it is part God and part reading all that Goudge. 😉
Praying for you friend!
I will pray for you and that partner Mere Enthusiasm : for the Spirit of the Lord to
be poured upon each of you~~ the all in all passion of writing to express beauty itself!
May He give each of you epiphanies!
Lanier,
I am very much looking forward to this! I feel kindred to you if for no other reason that The Lord is teaching me to trust in Him and conquer my fears through writing this year. May He bless you even more than I predict during this endeavor!
(amen!) 😉
Everly
You have my prayers. My new mantra is: just do it. So just do it. It may not come out perfectly the first time, but that’s why you rewrite, revise, and make yourself accountable to an editor. Writing is hard because it’s thinking. Most people would rather not think. You, happily, are not among those who prefer not to use their brains.
Amazing post and very wonderful of you to be so brave!
As a friend/coach used to say to me about exercise, “the hardest part is lacing up your sneakers.”
Too hurried to look up the reference just now, but there is a verse somewhere in the Psalms about Him shedding light on our pathway…No doubt He will give you enough light for the first sentence, the first paragraph, the first chapter…but, of course, only enough for each in their turn.
And, by the way, I’m encouraging myself by writing this to you because tomorrow is the day I start, once again, for the miillionth time, “lacing up my sneakers” to try and win the fight against middle age inertia and way too many excess pounds!
Lord, I humbly ask that you give Lanier and her friend great grace for this immediate journey!
Hello Lanier, I can’t tell you just how much I love your blog. Thanks to your recommendation I am now reading Anne of Green Gables and I am loving every word of it, I also love your blog, which I only found at Christmas, and I am enjoying reading past entries. I also love the pic of your old books. I am very blessed to live in England, where such things are still fairly easy to find.
I have put you on my prayer-list, especially for inspiration in your writing. Go to it, girl!!!
May the Lord bless you and guide you give you His ideas, Lanier. I look forward to reading what happens. 🙂
~a fellow scribbler
The hardest part of following a dream/goal/or vision is to start! Just jump in and see all the wonderful words that will flow from those creative hands of yours!! And I am sure you will feel the delight of Him who created you!